wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
