He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
