you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how drunk are you?
Several
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
