omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
