He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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