you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
