also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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