Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
