I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
