Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
