I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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