I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
