Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
