YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My dick has a subreddit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
