I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We left the knife in your bed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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