i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
