Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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