Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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