am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
