Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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