...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
