Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
