I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
