why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
