two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
