Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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