you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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