Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
