GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
