I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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