what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your cock deserves a montage
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
