I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
