i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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