I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
