"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
