i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
