you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
