she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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