Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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