I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
