I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
