Kiss
Puke
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
