Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
