we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
false alarm, still single
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
