Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
