why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
