It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
