Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
