Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
