And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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