I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
