You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
