so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
