fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
