My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
